Little Pink Pill

Going out on a limb here. Here is a picture of my little pink pill.

It's not a happy pill, as some people like to call it. It doesn't work that way. And depression is not a flaw in character, but rather a flaw in chemistry. Some of you will see this post and never look at me the same. But that's okay, I'm not posting this for you. I'm posting it to bring awareness and to maybe help someone realize that it's okay to get help.

There is a family history of depression on both sides, so I was basically doomed from the start. I remember feeling such embarrassment over talking to my doctor about it. I waited until I was 29 years old, but really, I think I can trace my depression back to my childhood. No one screened for it in those days. You just muddled through. I have never been suicidal, I have never been a substance user or abuser, and I have always been functional. But when you have depression, you sort of feel like you always have a low grade fever. And everything has a hazy gray cast, I guess you could say.

I do really well on my medication. Low dose Celexa, in case you are curious. And I don't walk through life thinking of myself as a depressed person. When I do feel it sucking at me, I overcome it. I find comfort in books, music, Zumba, creating things, writing, laughter, all the people who bring joy and love to my life... so many things. I love life. I can't imagine what it's like to feel as though you need to end your life to find peace.

We hear of celebrities who commit suicide... and we may know people in our own lives who have... but, for whatever reason, Robin Williams' death has really affected me. He always had that sad look in his eyes, even when he was making us shake with laughter. I just feel sad that he couldn't get through this.

So, if you are depressed, know that you're not alone in this... and it truly is okay to take an antidepressant. I don't feel any shame or stigma about it anymore. My doctor once said to me, "If you live in Michigan, you need an antidepressant!" Ain't that the truth.