Disposable

Do you ever feel bad about something you did or didn't do 20 years ago?   After I graduated from college, I took a year off before starting grad school. I worked at a residential treatment center for emotionally disturbed children. It was... something. There was a guy who worked there. Steve. He was very bright and cared about the kids, but we butted heads constantly. We never agreed on how to handle certain situations, and I pretty much dreaded having to deal with him. And him me. I resigned from my job there when I started grad school. But I kept in touch with a couple of the girls from the treatment center. One in particular who had been discharged home. Teresa. There was a "reunion" of sorts at the treatment center, and she asked me to go with her. And we saw Steve there. He was very happy to see Teresa. Maybe not as happy to see me. Many, many months later, I checked my mailbox at school. And there was a note from Steve in there, hand-delivered. It would take some effort to find out that I even had a mailbox, let alone drive there, so I was a little thrown. He asked me to call him and said he'd like to see me. And so I called him and we struck up a friendship. And then he asked me out to dinner, and I said yes. But I really just wanted to be friends. And I kind of panicked over the idea of going to dinner with him, so I canceled very last minute and then never spoke to him again. I didn't return his phone calls, even though he called for weeks. What an awful thing to do. I don't know why I treated him that way. I have never been the sort of person who treats people as disposable, but there you have it... I did that to another human being. I wish I could apologize.