Funny Ideas

I have two best friends. Heartache and Loneliness.
I didn’t choose them. They chose me.
I sometimes try to ditch them. Say I don't want to be friends anymore. Tell them to go away.
But they are not the type of friends to give up so easily.
They really like me, and so they stick around. Loyal, you might say.
And so, after a while, I invited them in.
If nothing else, they feel comfortable.

They are jealous friends though. No one wants a jealous friend.
Jealous friends chase everyone else away.
Love? No way in hell is Love allowed in the circle. They told Love to fuck off.
Happiness? Okay, Happiness can stop in once in a while for dinner. But, after dessert and coffee, buh-bye.
Too much Happiness can make a person sick, they say.
Intimacy? What? With someone besides us, they ask?
I say, sure, why not?
And they look at each other and laugh.
Apparently that’s funny.
I didn’t know.

They don’t want to share me.

Don’t get any funny ideas, they tell me.
Funny ideas will only disappoint you.
Stick with us and everything will be just fine.
Climb in the warm bath we’ve poured for you. Lay back and relax. Let us wash over you.
Ahhhh.
Feel that? Doesn’t it feel wonderful?

Tears burn at my eyes.
Don’t cry, they say.
Hush now.
Don’t cry.
Let us towel you dry. Let us climb into bed with you.
We will warm you. We will keep you company.
There, there.

Oh, to be on a first name basis with Heartache.
He’ll eat your soul.
And Loneliness?
Watch out for that one.
He’ll cuddle up to you and dig his claws in.
Never let go.

But we know you so well, they say.
No one knows you better than we do.
That counts for something.
We’ve got your back.
We love you.
Best friends forever.